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The “What are we?” conversation. It's like walking a tightrope while juggling burning torches—it's both thrilling and risky. You two were having a fantastic time talking and joking about the past when someone suddenly said it was time to name the relationship. Put on the dramatic music! It can be scary to talk about this important time, but it doesn't have to be. Let's go into this emotional circus together and figure out how to deal with it with grace and confidence.
Top Takeaways and Key Concepts
Be prepared before the conversation: Know what you want and how you feel about the relationship before talking.
Choose the right time and place: Ensure a calm and private setting for an honest discussion.
Be honest about your feelings: Use “I” statements to express your thoughts without making accusations.
Listen actively to your partner: Let them share their feelings without interruption and understand their perspective.
Follow up later: Regularly check in with each other to maintain open communication and adjust to changes.
Summary of This Article
This article offers practical advice on handling the difficult “What are we?” conversation in relationships. It emphasizes the importance of being prepared by knowing your feelings and goals, as well as choosing an appropriate time and setting for the discussion. Honest communication is key, with a focus on using “I” statements and actively listening to your partner’s perspective. Following up after the talk is essential for maintaining healthy communication and ensuring both partners are aligned in the relationship as it evolves. The article stresses that these conversations, though challenging, can strengthen the bond between partners if approached with openness and respect.
It's really important to be ready. Before you say anything, think about how you feel and what you want from the relationship. Do you merely want to do something, or do you want to get to know each other better? It will be easier to say what you want during the conversation if you know what it is. Think about the things you love most about your relationship, such how you both like the same things, how you support each other emotionally, or just being together.
Pick a place where you can both talk, like a quiet café, a great park seat, or even a tranquil night at home. It's also very vital to get the timing right. Make sure that neither of you is too busy to discuss about this crucial issue.
When you start conversing, be honest and direct. Use “I” words when you talk about how you feel so you don't make assumptions about what other people believe or blame them for anything. For example, expressing “I really like spending time with you and I'm interested in where we're going” helps people want to talk to you instead of feeling angry. This makes things better instead of worse.
You can't only say what you think; you also have to hear what they have to say. You might be surprised by what they think or how they feel. Get ready for different replies, even if they don't agree with you or require more time to ponder. No matter what they do, stay calm.
Don't worry if they look confused or don't want to talk about the connection. Instead, take this time to learn more about how they are doing. If you ask people questions that don't have a clear solution, they will talk more about their worries and ideas. This will not only show you where you both stand, but it will also help you understand each other better, which will bring you closer together.
Keep in mind that relationships do evolve. Just because you claim what you are doesn't mean you have to sign a contract that can't be changed right away. It's fine to agree on some things, but you should also be willing to try new things and have new experiences in other areas. The point is to be transparent, not to set hard rules.
Don't forget that laughing might help you relax during these essential talks! Joking about how awkward these chats might be could help ease any tension and remind everyone that even if it's hard, it's only one more step toward getting closer.
This is your guide to the exciting tightrope walk of figuring out what your relationship is. If you prepare ahead, are honest, listen carefully, and maybe even make some laughs along the way, you can get through this emotional circus without accidently setting yourself on fire or, even worse, forgetting all the fantastic times you've had together so far. This is a great time to learn and talk to each other. It may be the start of a completely new chapter in your life together!
Understanding Why It Happens
Before we go any farther, let's take a moment to think about why this comes up. It's very uncommon for worries and queries to come up in today's convoluted world of partnerships. Your partner may have seen their ex's wedding images on Instagram, which would have been embarrassing.
This can make them feel a lot of different things, which could make them question their own relationship. Or maybe they've talked to their friends about commitment too many times late at night, and now they're having an existential crisis that would make Socrates pleased. Who can blame them? Knowing how to fix a flat tire can seem just as vital as knowing what you have when you use dating apps and have casual flings. This can help you not become yourself when you're in a scenario where you don't know what to do.
Think about how things work: social media constantly offers us well-chosen pictures of other people's lives, usually of big occasions like weddings or engagements that make us feel like we need to do something right away. Your partner can be thinking about their future and whether or not they see you in it. People in a relationship want to know what's going on, and that's reasonable. No one wants to devote time and effort into something that doesn't have a clear route.
Sarah, a friend of mine, said that every time her boyfriend asked her this question, she felt like she was on a never-ending episode of “Survivor.” They had been dating for months, but it still felt like they were stuck between “just friends” and “we're basically married.” She wondered if they would ever move out of the dark waters of uncertainty because every time they met, there were new challenges to cope with. There was a lot of stress. Should they define their relationship or keep going through this uncertain area?
When it's your turn to talk on the subject, knowing that these chats stem from actual interest or insecurity might help you relax. If you know that your spouse might be feeling weak, you can be more understanding when you talk about where things are at. Instead of seeing the chat as a scary ultimatum, see it as a chance to grow and get on the same page with what you want and need.
Also, these kinds of chats usually mean that someone has stronger feelings for you. When someone asks about the nature of your relationship, it demonstrates that they care about you and what you share. It's an indication that they care about the relationship enough to want to talk things out instead of just going along with what the other person wants.
Think about how you would feel if the roles were switched before you have these kinds of chats. Wouldn't it be nice if people were honest and open? This point of view lets both sides say what they think without worrying about being criticized or turned down. Be polite when you talk and be honest about how you feel. This will help you build trust instead of making things worse.
In the end, these talks are really vital for making your partnership stronger in the future. Talking about the elephant in the room might help you get closer over time, even if it only makes it plain how you both feel about things.
The next time you have to deal with this essential subject, whether it's because of social media or late-night musings, remember how Sarah spent her time on her metaphorical island. Talking to one other openly is a great way to get through hard times together. It's not enough to just put labels on things. You also need to help people understand and care for what might grow into something beautiful.
Timing Is Everything
Now that we know why these chats happen, let's talk about how important time is! You wouldn't want to talk about “what are we” right after he spills salsa over his shirt at taco night. Believe me, no one wants to talk about their relationship while wiping guacamole off their face or trying not to giggle at how silly it all is. It would be just too crazy and fun for a serious talk right now. Instead, you should pick a time when you are both calm and ready to talk about deeper things. This could be during a beautiful evening walk beneath the stars or over coffee in a cute café where the barista isn't playing pop music so loud that you can't hear each other think.
When I finally asked my partner about our status, I found that picking the appropriate place made all the difference. We were sitting on my couch, which was full of goodies, which is the best way to be comfortable. Instead of standing outside in the cold, shivering and trying to find the appropriate words. The mood was absolutely right! We felt comfortable with soft lighting and our favorite shows playing quietly in the background. This let us talk honestly without any distractions.
It's important to create an environment that encourages open conversation. Think of where you both feel most at ease and connected. This might be anyplace from your living room with lots of cozy blankets to a peaceful park bench with a great view. The setting should make people feel secure and close, and it should encourage them to be open rather than protective.
Also, think about how your partner was feeling before this talk. It might not be the best moment to bring up such an important topic if they've had a long day at work or are worried about something else. If they look busy or distracted, pay attention to their indications and maybe wait until they're ready to completely participate in what you're talking about.
When you find the right time—when you and your partner are both calm and present—it's important to talk about it softly. Before you go into what defining your relationship means for each of you, start by talking about how much you enjoy spending time together and how your sentiments have changed. It feels less like an interrogation and more like two individuals who care profoundly about each other talking to each other this way.
Looking back, I see that the timing of my choice helped us not only figure out where we stood in our relationship, but also made our bond as partners on this road stronger. We created an environment where honesty thrived by choosing times that were warm and empathetic instead than chaotic or uncomfortable.
So keep this in mind: timing is key! Being careful about when and how you start these talks can make a tremendous difference in getting to the bottom of things—and in strengthening your relationship along the way!
Be Honest About Your Feelings
Being honest is very crucial when it's time for “the talk.” It's like putting together IKEA furniture without reading at the instructions; you'll probably need help along the way! Being honest about how you feel makes things obvious and sets the stage for the chat. Be open and honest about how you feel. Don't mess with people's heads or leave hints like you're on a hard scavenger hunt. There isn't a lot of suspense in this like there is in “The Bachelor.” Instead, think of this as a time to get to know each other better and make your friendship stronger.
I remember my own experience quite well. I had bullet points (yes, I really did) and well-written notes about everything I wanted to talk about, from how things are today to what I hope for the future. But halfway through, I noticed that my partner was getting freaked out by all of my good ideas. What he actually wanted to know was if I felt we will be exclusive in the future.
This moment of clarity let me realize that sometimes it's preferable to keep things simple than to get ready. Because we were honest with one other, we could express what we wanted to say without becoming lost in vague terms like “situationship.” We should stop going around in circles trying to figure out what we meant or what the other person wanted. Instead, we should focus on what was most important: how we felt and what we desired for the future.
As we talked, it was clear how much we cared about being honest with one other. We talked about where we were at the moment and what being exclusive would mean for each of us and for our relationship. Instead of pretending, it was better to be honest with one other.
Being direct also helps create trust, which is a key aspect of any relationship. When you are honest about your feelings and desires, your spouse will feel the same way. When both people are open with each other, it creates a safe space where they may communicate their thoughts without worrying about being criticized or misunderstood.
If you want this talk to go well, try to be nice when you talk. Instead of saying, “I don't want to just be friends,” you may add, “I really like what we have and think it could be more.” This manner, you may convey how excited you are while still talking about important subjects without letting negativity get in the way.
Also, listen to what the other person is saying. It's not just about telling your spouse what you believe; it's also about really understanding how they feel. Ask questions if you need to. This shows that you care about what they have to say and sincerely want to find common ground.
Being honest about “the talk” is the best way for both partners to feel comfortable while they go through this together. You can make your relationship stronger by being honest about what you want and expect from each other and without making things more complicated than they need to be.
So, when it's time to have the important chat regarding your relationship status, remember that being honest is not only good, it's also necessary! Pick clarity over uncertainty, open communication over drama, and see how it alters not only that conversation but also the way you two talk to each other in the future!
Listen Actively to Your Guy
You might want to solely think on what you want from this talk, but it's just as important to listen! You should let your spouse communicate about how they feel and what they think without being interrupted. It's easy to add your own comments or rebuttals, especially if you've already thought of three different ways to answer. It's normal to feel that way when you're feeling a lot of things. I completely understand!
I realized how crucial it was for me to not just say what I was thinking but also to grasp what he had been thinking all along during a memorable talk about our future plans (okay, there may have been ice cream involved). While we were having our snacks, I made an effort to hold back my first thoughts and really listen. This enabled him say whatever he wanted, which was quite beneficial.
I didn't get exactly what I wanted to hear at first—maybe he wasn't ready to commit as much as I thought—but this provided me a chance to learn more. I wasn't furious or defensive; I liked how honest he was. Active listening meant not criticizing his point of view and instead of reacting immediately away, taking the time to think about what he said.
This way of talking shifted our conversation from one that may have turned into a conflict to one that was important to both of us and made us feel heard and valued. I learnt that the information I obtained from being patient and not interrupting was much more useful than any quick answer could be.
Also, active listening brings partners closer together on an emotional level. It builds trust and strengthens your relationship when everyone feels like they are being heard. It sends a powerful statement in any relationship that you care about their feelings as much as your own.
Use statements like “What I'm hearing is…” or “It sounds like you're saying…” to make this active listening practice even better. This shows that you care, and it also gives them a chance to clear up any confusion. It's a fantastic way to show that you both appreciate each other and make sure you're on the same page.
Making the setting pleasant might also make it easier for people to talk to each other. Just like our ice cream-filled chat set the mood for a peaceful discourse, choosing places or times when both partners feel at ease makes it simpler for them to be honest and open.
In the end, putting active listening first during these key talks leads to more in-depth discussions about the partnership and future goals. It reminds us that everyone's voice is important, not just our own, and it makes the point that relationships work best when people work together instead than against one other.
So, the next time you're getting ready for “the talk,” remember that it's crucial to say what you want. But if you learn how to really listen, you might find things that might make your relationship stronger than words!
Prepare for Different Outcomes with your Guy
We hope everything goes well after this presentation, but you should be ready for things to go wrong. It's not always easy to get along with other people. One person might be ready to settle down, whereas the other might still be trying to figure things out. If you're not ready, it doesn't have to be a problem. Don't think of other people's points of view as difficulties; think of them as opportunity to get better.
Mark said he wanted more time to think about it after we talked. I remember feeling sad. At first, I was disappointed because I thought we would both be on the same page and move on together. I could see things differently when I thought about them from his point of view. In the end, respecting his pace made our relationship stronger since we could go through these waters together instead of rushing into something we weren't ready for.
I learned that knowing when each other is free is something that can help us get to know each other better during this conference. We didn't make each other or ourselves do things that made us feel horrible. We both opted to accept the unknown instead. We began to discuss what commitment meant to us without any labels or expectations.
Knowing that relationships get stronger over time could also make you less anxious about having “the talk.” You may still work on your relationship even if one conversation demonstrates that you and your partner don't want the same thing. As long as you are honest and patient during these sessions, you can keep talking about how you feel and what you want to do.
You should also tell them how you feel about their need for extra time, but don't make them feel awful or that they have to do something. When you say “I understand,” it shows that you are an adult and care about how they feel. It also makes it clear what you want without being rude. For instance, saying “I appreciate your honesty and I'm willing to wait until you're ready” indicates that you care about how they feel and makes your relationship stronger.
It could be good for both sides to create little goals or milestones to work toward. This might keep them interested and help them grow as people. You can both agree to chat a lot about how you feel about the relationship. This keeps the lines of communication open and makes it easy to change things if you need to.
You might also learn more about what other people desire and care about if you are open to their plans. You might be able to understand your spouse better and make your emotional connection stronger if you know why they need more time, whether it's because of something that happened in the past or something that's happening today.
You need to be able to handle varied levels of commitment to keep a relationship healthy. When people see these circumstances as opportunity to connect instead of difficulties, it's simpler for both parties to be honest about how they feel.
So, the next time you and your spouse quarrel after “the talk,” remember that these conflicts are about more than just getting along; they're also about growing up together. Have fun on the trip ahead; it could take you to places you never thought you could go alone!
Follow Up Later with Your Guy
Don't forget to check back in after you find out what your relationship status is. You should look at it every now and then, like you would look at pizza that was left over in the fridge. It could still be good days later. A quick check-in weeks or even months after that important talk demonstrates that you really want to build a long-term relationship that goes beyond the first meeting.
There are many strong reasons to follow up. They provide both parties an opportunity to think about how they feel about the relationship as it changes. Relationships are always changing. What was great at one point might not feel good at another. When you check in with each other often, it makes it easier for people to communicate about how they feel and what worries them.
For example, Sarah felt better when she called her partner months after their big conversation about how things were going after the defining phase (spoiler alert: they ended up being incredibly happy!). She understood they still wanted to move forward together. This proactive strategy let them celebrate how far their love had come while also taking care of any problems that might have come up before they turned into misunderstandings.
It's important to talk about both the positive and the terrible during these follow-up contacts. Ask questions such, “What do you think has been going well for us?” and “Is there anything else we need to talk about?” This kind of question shows that you care, and it also helps you and the other person understand and respect each other better. It is clear that both spouses' feelings are real and should be taken into account.
Talking about your goals for the future during these check-ins will also help you get closer. Talking about your plans for the future, like going on trips together, talking about your long-term goals, or just enjoying life every day can help you feel closer and make your relationship stronger.
Also, keep in mind that these talks don't have to be formal or serious; you can have them when you're just hanging out together. You can talk about how you both feel about the future of your relationship while you walk in the park or make dinner. When things are easy, both parties can talk without feeling like they have to.
It's a good idea to check in on each other's feelings and also follow up on pledges or duties that you both have. As partnerships get stronger, so do the expectations for things like money and chores. If both individuals in the relationship talk about these things a lot, they will both feel like they are being heard and valued.
The best way to maintain your connection strong throughout time is to stay in touch after you define it. It shows that you care about the relationship you've formed and not simply the names that go with it.
So don't forget that it's just as important to check in on your relationship as it is to enjoy those leftover pizza slices every now and then (and maybe even warm them up). This will keep both people happy and interested on this tour, which is always changing! Enjoy those follow-up chats; they are an important part of being happy!
Navigating “What Are We?” Talks Like a Pro
Handling the “What are we?” conversation doesn’t have to feel like an Olympic sport, and it doesn't need to be fraught with danger at every single turn! By simply understanding why these discussions happen in the first place, and approaching them calmly while maintaining open communication channels, you'll soon find yourself equipped with the answers you seek as well as the deeper connections that you are seeking.
Suggested Resources:
How To Have the Relationship Talk
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/202001/how-have-the-relationship-talk
The Dos and Don’ts of Defining Your Relationship
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-dos-and-donts-of-defining-your-relationship
5 Ways to Prepare for the Relationship Talk
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-ways-to-prepare-for-the_n_5a6b2d4ae4b0e9db8f94ff3d
Kevin Collier is a relationship expert dedicated to helping women navigate the complexities of dating and find meaningful connections with good men. With a passion for fostering healthy relationships, he provides insightful advice, practical tips, and empowering strategies that encourage women to embrace their worth and make informed choices in their dating journeys. Through his engaging content on GuyKey.com, Kevin aims to inspire confidence and understanding in the pursuit of love and companionship.
